


Cheeseburgers

by Quilly



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Davenport wants a lot of things, Gen, If You Squint - Freeform, Lucretia just wants greasy comfort food, Minor Davenport/Merle Highchurch, Stolen Century, Taako wants to not watch that movie, This plane is stupid and we can't get off the ship, cabin fever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 20:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12153957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quilly/pseuds/Quilly
Summary: Cycle 76 is a year of confinement. Some handle it better than others. Some just want the comforts of home.A moment of clarity and homemade fast food.





	Cheeseburgers

**Author's Note:**

> This plot bunny attacked me viciously and without provocation, so I wrote it. :P Went a bit off the rails but I like it.

Cycle 76 spat them out by a planet of storms, raining shards of ice down from a lightning-filled sky into a boiling sea, the chemical and arcane makeup of which made no sense to Barry or Lup. It was a small planet, alone and floating around its little star. Davenport circled it three times, but the cloud layer coated it pretty thickly. Approaching it further than the upper atmosphere proved impossible when a huge arc of lightning nearly knocked the Starblaster out of the sky.

“Well, gang,” Davenport said, rubbing his eyes, “looks like we’re shipbound this year.”

Quiet groans answered him, but this wasn’t the first time they’d had to stay on board the ship for a cycle. Davenport put the Starblaster in orbit around the stormy little world, and their year began. By sheer luck, the Light crashed directly into Magnus as he jogged around the deck a few days later; forty-five seconds after that, the Hunger’s eyes lit up the void of space around them.

“Another tough getaway ahead,” Davenport muttered to himself, tapping his fingers on a table on the deck and watching as Barry helped Magnus up, the latter laughing so hard it made the former’s job difficult.

“Mm-hmm,” Merle nodded, shuffling a deck of cards. “We’ve got a while before we have to worry about it. Ever play Yooker with tarot cards, Skip?”

“No, can’t say that I have,” Davenport grinned, settling back into his chair. “Tarot cards?”

“Figure it’ll spice things up between us,” Merle said, and winked when Davenport chuckled.

“Gross,” Taako hollered across the ship, carrying a tray of sandwiches. “Lunchtime, idiots.”

Food wasn’t a problem when several party members could summon it at will. The same went for water, though coordinating bathing habits was a constant struggle. What couldn’t be magicked up, even with Davenport’s increasingly exquisite eye for detail in his illusions, was physical space. Cabin fever crept into the edges of the ship with each passing week. It was only a matter of time before someone snapped, and even with over seventy-five years of growing into the closest family unit in all the realities, fights and hurt feelings could last a long time.

It had been four months of orbit, according to Barry’s calendar. The whole crew was lounging in the rec room, which was really Lup’s old room stuffed with all the books, games, movies, and serialized video programs they’d collected during their journey, along with the appropriate consoles and a wealth of beanbag chairs. It was Lucretia’s turn to pick the entertainment. She’d been quiet and withdrawn this year, more so than usual and certainly more so than she’d been for about a decade.

“Anything but that gentleman detective tripe,” Taako deadpanned as Lucretia reached for that exact film. He was splayed across a bemused Magnus’ lap with his feet on Barry’s shoulder, crossing his arms behind his head and rolling his eyes like he was being paid to do it.

“It’s my turn,” Lucretia said, pulling the movie out. “When it’s your turn, we can watch something else.”

“Or you can pick something less stupid,” Taako retorted. Lucretia sighed, but didn’t put the movie back. Taako cast Mage Hand and snatched it from her hands, holding it over her head.

“Taako, come on,” Magnus said, dumping Taako onto the nearest beanbag chair, but Mage Hand stayed put, wagging the movie in the air a little. Lucretia took a swipe at it, color building in her cheeks.

“Honestly, why we even still have this is beyond me,” Taako said.

“Taako, give it back,” Davenport said with a warning note in his voice.

“Literally the worst thing in our inventory,” Taako yawned, shifting Mage Hand so it hovered over the garbage can.

“Taako, don’t—”

Mage Hand dropped the movie in the trash. It wasn’t much, just a shallow bin with a plastic liner, but the sentiment was enough. Lucretia yanked the movie from the trash and stomped towards the door.

“Lucretia, he didn’t mean it, he’s just being a jerk,” Lup said, sitting up as Lucretia flung the sliding door out of her way.

“I absolutely did mean it,” Taako sniffed. “If she’s gonna pout because of a little honesty—”

The door slamming shut in its port cut off the rest of Taako’s sentence, as did the weight of five different glares.

“You know what, no,” Taako said, straightening his legs and standing. “Every time Lucretia can’t take a joke, Taako’s the jerkwad. Poor Lucretia, poor fragile little Lucretia—”

“Her mother gave her that movie,” Barry said quietly. “She’s had it since she was sixteen.”

Taako floundered for a minute, then stomped his foot. “How was I supposed to know that?”

“If you paid attention for once in your life to other people—” Magnus started, and Taako whipped around, thunder building in his eyes (and possibly also in his fingertips, the static in the air was getting very active).

“Everyone calm down,” Merle said, also getting to his feet. “We’re all a little testy. Let’s bring it back down, chill out. I’ll go talk to Lucretia, Taako can take a walk around the deck, we’ll meet back here and watch her movie and eat so much popcorn we’ll all get sick. How about that?”

“Go hang out with your buddy John, Merle, he’s the only one actually interested in listening to your hippie cleric garbage,” Taako snapped, and Davenport slammed both his feet onto the ground before standing. His full height wasn’t so imposing, but his demeanor was.

“You’re out of line,” Davenport said, in the soft tone of voice his entire crew knew to obey without question. Taako’s mouth quivered, his hands clenched at his sides and spine at rigid attention. “No movie night. Everyone is excused to their quarters. I’ll be at the helm.”

After a tense moment, Taako stalked out of the room. After another, Lup, Barry, and Magnus followed. Merle, last to leave as always, looked around at the abandoned beanbag chairs and sighed.

“He has a point,” Merle shrugged. “Not like any of you are really gonna need me this cycle, and I know I can get something else out of John, I almost had him last time.”

“Not yet,” Davenport said sharply, and blinked at his own tone. “Not…not yet. It’s been…a while…since you’ve stuck around this long.”

“If Lup and Barry have sex in the shower when I’m waiting my turn outside again, I can’t make any promises,” Merle said, and Davenport doubled over laughing. Merle grinned. “I can wait. Time’s weird in the Parley Parlor.”

“Thank you,” Davenport said quietly. Merle put his hand on Davenport’s shoulder and smiled.

“Am I dismissed now, Cap?”

“Can’t show favoritism, so yes, yes you are,” Davenport said, and smiled when Merle shrugged. “One ship fire at a time. Let’s wait for this one to blow over, and we can work on the next one.”

“Take it easy, Dav,” Merle said, and left. Davenport took several deep breaths before following suit.

-

Taako stood outside of Lucretia’s door, where he could clearly hear sniffling, and gritted his teeth through the overwhelming wave of  _nope_  that coursed through him at the thought of going through with this. But…yeah, he wasn’t too proud to admit he’d crossed a line, it’d been way too many years of getting to know these space losers like the back of his hands. Besides, if he didn’t at least try to apologize, Lup and Magnus would keep shooting him disappointed looks and he couldn’t abide that. They were stuck on this metal tub for another eight months. Time to put on your big boy pants, Taako.

He knocked.

“Come in,” Lucretia’s watery voice answered. She probably thought it was Magnus or somebody, he was everybody’s go-to snugglebuddy. Taako slouched into the room, his eyes downcast and defensive, and didn’t look up until he was sitting backwards in her desk chair. She didn’t immediately tell him to leave, which was probably a good sign. When he got up the strength to meet her eyes, she did look surprised, and supremely unhappy.

“Nobody forced me in here,” he said. “Cap’nport grounded everybody pretty soon after you left.”

“Oh,” Lucretia said, scrubbing at her face. Taako crossed his arms on the back of the chair and rested his chin on them.

“Cha’boy got a little carried away,” he muttered. “And I’m sorry for chucking your movie, I didn’t know where it was from.”

Lucretia’s mouth quirked in a faint smile that didn’t reach her tired eyes. “I know it’s not the best movie of all time, but…”

“Doesn’t excuse me from acting like a jerk,” Taako shrugged. “Need to apologize to Merle at some point too, but I can do that later, Merle doesn’t hold grudges.” He sighed and sat up. “Anyway. One free meal, on the house. Anything you want.”

“Anything I want,” Lucretia repeated, and her eyes started filling up with tears. Taako felt a stab of alarm.

“Don’t do that, it’s—look, I know my cooking is the literal best, but—” Taako sputtered, his eyes wide with horror. Lucretia laughed, wiping her eyes, but it wasn’t a happy one.

“That’s just it,” she sniffed. “Taako, what I want more than anything is—is a lousy, greasy cheeseburger from that Fantasy McDonald’s in the IPRE food court.”

“That’s it?” Taako grimaced. “’Cretia, darling, I thought by now I’d beaten some taste into your head.”

“I know,” Lucretia nodded, her mouth buckling against a fresh wave of tears, “but—but—”

Taako let Lucretia cry for ten seconds before growling to himself and crossing the room, wrapping her up and pulling her against his chest, resting his cheek on her head. “Shh, bubelah, shh, it’s okay. I’ll make you the nastiest burger you’ve ever had, sshhh.”

Lucretia hiccuped a giggle against his shirt, her fingers curled into the fabric and her entire body trembling. Taako kept rubbing circles into her back, hoping to Pan, probably, that he was doing this right. He made soothing shushing sounds on-tempo with his ministrations, mimicking every time Magnus had done the same for a crew member that he’d been present for. After a few minutes, Lucretia’s sobs petered into sniffles again.

“I miss home,” Lucretia whispered, almost too quietly to hear. Taako’s heart wrenched violently in his chest.

“I do, too,” Taako murmured back. He gave her one last squeeze and let go, making his way to his feet. “Bad food has some artistry to it, I guess. I’ll see what I can whip up.”

“Thank you,” Lucretia said, and smiled, this time a true smile that lit up her whole face. Taako stored that away as a victory point in his favor and smiled back.

-

Long ago Davenport had mastered the art of keeping an eye on the various screens playing a feed of the common areas of the Starblaster while doing something else in the helm, checking up on his baby. He wasn’t particularly surprised to see Taako sauntering into the galley a mere hour after banishing him to his room, but the kitchen was like a second room to the twins, so he paid it no mind.

It was the smell that caught his full attention.

He couldn’t tell on the screen exactly what Taako was doing, but he could smell hot oil and grilling meat. It was familiar enough that Davenport left the helm to see what he was doing. He found Taako with his hair pulled up, a manic expression on his face as he shaped meat patties in his hands. In the background, the stove was taken up by a huge griddle filled with patties, and a deep fryer Davenport didn’t remember them having bubbled away with something inside.

“This is a secret best lost to the void,” Taako muttered as Davenport floated himself up to the counter to sit and observe. “Capn’port, if anyone outside of this ship sees me doing this, it’s your job to kill me instantly and bury the evidence.”

“What exactly are you doing?” Davenport asked. Taako snapped his fingers and two baskets of fries lifted out of the grease of the deep fryer.

“Apologizing,” Taako muttered. “Whoever founded Fantasy McDonald’s should’ve been shot first.”

Davenport watched in muted amazement as Taako produced, with lots of wincing and swearing, a basic burger and fries. He thrust the plate at Davenport. “Try this and tell me if it’s close enough.”

Davenport gingerly lifted the top bun of the burger. Limpid lettuce, an indiscriminate glop of ketchup and mustard, two sad pickles, a slice of cheese from the bottom of the fridge, enough pepper on the patty to feel a sneeze coming on…it certainly looked similar. He took a bite. Taako watched him closely. Davenport chewed with his eyes closed, swallowed, and opened his eyes.

“Disgusting,” he said, and smiled. “It’s spot-on.”

“Of course it is,” Taako said, flipping patties onto a plate and putting raw meat on the griddle. “Call the dork patrol, would you? I made enough gross fatburgers for everyone.”

The reception of the mockup Fantasy McDonald’s cheeseburgers was mixed. Lup ate one and disowned him, then had some fries and took him back. Barry and Magnus, between them, ate twelve total and praised the likeness, though Barry took time to scrape everything off of his but the patty and Taako yelled at him a lot. Merle ate a bite and left the room to, in his own words, “evacuate my bowels before your nasty meat does.” (Later, Taako would yell his apology through the bathroom door and Merle would yell back his acceptance and everything would be cool there, because Merle, according to Taako, was a good person who wouldn’t guilt him into making disgusting food.)

Lucretia ate hers and grinned. When she was done, she hugged Taako tightly. “Thank you.”

“I am never making this again, so I hope you savored it,” Taako replied. Lucretia laughed. Davenport sat back with his plate of fries and drank in the bickering companionship that folded the Starblaster in.

It would be a long few months before they could get out of this plane. Davenport wasn’t particularly worried about it. He trusted his family to see themselves through it.

Even if they were a bunch of dumb babies sometimes.


End file.
